This blog started in February, and all of a sudden it is May! Busyness gets in the way of creativity, and time flies without anything to show for it. Family, work, church, yardwork, chores --- you guessed it. Everything seems to take precedence over allowing myself time to be ME. Like a craving for chocolate, hardly an hour goes by without some idea or thought of art passing through my mind. As if swatting at pesky flies, each interruption, every demanding task, phone call, or request adds to my distraction. Before long my hopes and expectations are lowered, and focus turns to the tyranny of the urgent instead of art. It's almost as if my mind tells my heart that creating art is only allowed as a reward for first being a good wife, mother, cook, daughter-in-law, neighbor, employee, friend, housekeeper, gardener, etc., etc. Of course, as a first child of critical and abusive parents, I never tell myself that I'm finally good enough to indulge myself in luxurious, creative solitude in order to be a REAL artist. Instead, my time flies by while I futilely strive to be what everyone else wants me to be, while subtlely asking myself if "being an artist" is my impossible dream. Maybe I need some assertiveness training, or I should just stop fussing and simply enjoy the perfume of spring flowers and the beauty of the season.
